A Brief History of Zelda and Why It Sucks

There’s something to be said for article titles that trick people into clicking the link in order to get hits, but whatever that something is, I’m not going to say it in this article because this article is about Zelda and not about the evil and devilish ways the blogging industry makes itself successful. Ah yea, Zelda. A series that last year held its 25th anniversary bash, and as the celebrations continue into 2012 with the touring Zelda symphony, a lot of people are taking advantage of this popularity to write articles that make people upset. The latest in this string of upsetting editorials comes from Kotaku’s Tevis Thompson, who yesterday put out a gem titled “Zelda Just Keeps Getting Worse, But It’s Not Beyond Saving.”

Now, I was linked this article by a friend of mine (who happens to share most of Mr. Thompson’s views on the series), and very very quickly knew I wasn’t particularly interested in finishing a read-through. Somewhere between saying “The original Legend of Zelda is the greatest Zelda” and “Zelda would be better if it had no story”, it was simply clear that this particular article was not meant for my eyes. I mean not to dissuade you from reading it- by all means, here is the link– but frankly… the arguments made within were both incredibly merited and deeply flawed, jumping back and forth quickly enough to give one whiplash. However, that doesn’t mean I didn’t take something from reading it. I took an obnoxious reminder as to what I imagine is the main difficulty with developing Zelda games must be from reading it: the fans.

Zelda fans, more than any other fan-base out there, seem to be quite divided in whether or not they love any particular game or hate it. With each release, be it Majora’s Mask or Twilight Princess, you have a group who loves it and stays (relatively) quiet about their love, and a group who hates it so vehemently that they feel no stronger calling than to post about it on their internet message boards and blogs. This has been the case for as long as I can remember, beginning with Zelda II getting a boatload of bananas (new phrase, don’t steal) for being sidescrolling and most recently ending with Skyward Sword being too… uh… Zelda-y? I think that’s the primary complaint I’ve heard.

This Zelda game is too much like a Zelda game! Make it more like Skyrim!

I mean, honestly, it reminds me of that episode of Pee-Wee’s Playhouse where Cowboy Curtis comes around to help Pee-Wee move some furniture, so Pee-Wee spends assloads of time telling him to move it “A little to the left”, “A little to the right”, “A little up”, “A little more leftish, while staying to the right”, “A little more right”, etc etc etc. Cowboy Curtis got really pissed off at Mr. Herman for this, and I’m surprised Nintendo’s even bothering to put up with it from Zelda fans any more instead of just completely ignoring them and making whatever the hell they want. Here’s a brief rundown of people’s complaints, beginning with Majora’s Mask because most people liked all the other Zeldas:

Majora’s Mask
Too weird and complicated.
Too serious.

Wind Waker
Not weird and complicated enough.
Not serious enough.

Twilight Princess
Too serious.
Not enough world density.

Skyward Sword
Too much world density.
Not serious enough.

It’s like they just go back and forth and back and forth telling Nintendo what to do, and no matter what Nintendo does there’s always a vocal minority complaining that they’re doing it wrong. The best part is that if you ask that vocal minority why they didn’t like [X Zelda Game], they’ll all say “I liked it better back then. Back in the good old days.”

Well,

Zelda “fans” who desire to complain about how “new Zeldas” are bad, and all the ones they played as a kid were good,

have you considered this possibility:

Perhaps they were good because you played them as a kid, when your mind was open to imagination and wonder and digging deeper into the lore of a world on your own, using your imagination to piece things together? Perhaps you have simply outgrown Zelda, and you should move onto different, more “adult” things like Demon’s Souls and Skyrim? You spend so much time talking about how my beloved franchise should be more like a bunch of other games you’ve played, that perhaps you should simply play those games and stop bothering the people who do enjoy Zelda for what it is.

I think I’ll do another article regarding the specific claims made by Tevis Thompson tomorrow, but for now, I just wanted to say this. Skyward Sword is a fucking fantastic game, my second favorite Zelda title, and if you don’t like it then tell me why and I’ll tell you why you’re dumb.

Just kidding. Everyone’s opinions are valid.

Mostly.

~~~~~~ ~~~~~~