Unraveling the 3DS conspiracy: Three scenarios that explain how Nintendo’s so called “gaming device” works
Stop.
Stop right where you are.
Don’t even think about saying the word “Parallax” or the word “Barrier” and then think you’re some kind of “smart guy” who knows how this sh*t works. Why? Because you don’t. No one does.
Think about it: Do you actually understand how the so called “parallax barriers” make sense? Why does your left eye automatically see the left image, and your right eye the right image? Why don’t you see both images then, when you close one eye?
You’re beginning to doubt yourself, aren’t you? I can feel it growing within your soul, and it troubles me. But that’s why I’m here. You see, after years of painstaking research into the 3DS hardware structure and development process, I’ve found no evidence that Nintendo has ever used something called a “parallax barrier” in their development of the device. Neither have I found (through the taking apart of my 3DS system) any evidence of any “barrier” on the top screen. This leads me to only one possible conclusion: Nintendo is lying to us.
Lucky for you, I am a man of truth and honor, and it is my civil duty to uncover this conspiracy and put right that which Nintendo has done wrong. That being said, even I am not perfect, and while I’ve made much progress, I’ve only been able to narrow the 3DS “technology” down to three possible scenarios.
1. Witchcraft
I was letting some friends play my 3DS the other day, and each one of them instantly fell in love with the device. I can’t blame them, because it truly is a remarkable piece of equipment. That being said, when my friend who we shall call “Telisha” tried it out for the first time, one of the things she said struck a very powerful chord with me.
“Whoa.” she exclaimed, “This has to be some sort of witchcraft.”
The evidence:
At first I laughed and brushed it off as nothing more than a silly remark from a friend who doesn’t understand the concept of parallax barriers and how they work, but after I got home her voice echoed through my head for an eternity. I began to think, and began to wonder: How DO parallax barriers work? After numerous hours of research, all I could find was a Wikipedia article on this so called “glasses free 3D”, and it was suspiciously short.
Honestly, we have pages upon pages about Charlie Sheen, yet no one seems to be able to write more than a measly two paragraphs about technology that is successfully changing the face of gaming? Even Kinect has more written about it on its Wikipedia page than these parallax barrier things. After I thought about it for a little longer, I heard Telisha’s words in my head once again:
It must be some sort of witchcraft.
Maybe she was right. After all, no one was able to explain exactly how these things work, and everyone knows that if there is one group of people who could summon magic powerful enough to create three dimensional images without the need for glasses, it would be witches. Unfortunately, it has been believed that witches have been nearly extinct for several centuries (or at least since everyone started getting all crazy about those sparkly vampires), so if it’s not witchcraft, there has to be another reason. After doing a little more research, I came upon another likely scenario.
