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I really hate having to write these types of articles. I love Nintendo and it pains me to have to talk so badly of them. But seriously. Come on. The other press conferences this year were as follows:

Microsoft: Bombed.
Sony: Eh.
EA: Terrible.
Ubisoft: Average.

This wasn’t a tough scenario. Nintendo should have been ready to blow this one out of the park. It was a fastball straight down the middle. It was a perfect storm of awesome that had the potential to send chills down the spines of every gamer watching. Instead of going for the home run though, they apparently decided to fake getting hit by the pitch and hobbled along to first base, managing to barely keep the game going, and build little if any hype for the next at-bat.



This is my obligatory “Here’s what’s going on at E3 just so you know” post.

So, just one day into the pre-E3 shows and we’ve already seen the effects of last year’s presentation by Nintendo. I don’t know if it’s just my imagination, but it seems like as time goes on, more and more people are waiting for Nintendo’s “OK” before they start trying out new things, as though they’re using the big N as a guinea pig for them to invest in new ideas. This year it was probably the most prevalent, save for perhaps the year we saw Move and Kinect revealed.


I know you wanted to say it when you saw the image.

I know you took a look at those rounded grips and those smooth analog sticks and the first thing that came to mind was “Great, Nintendo’s copying Microsoft”

But don’t. Don’t go there. Don’t you judge Nintendo for this. I know you want to, but don’t.


MEGA-COOL!

This past week I got a relatively random e-mail asking me if I wanted a free copy of the latest issue of Nintendo Power, which contained exclusive Kid Icarus: Uprising AR cards. I figured “Why the hell not?” and gave them my address, only to get the magazine a few days later and sit around baffled as to how I was going to turn this into an article. Some people would say “Think about this before you give them your address, Austin!”, but I’m more of a ‘Get free stuff now, figure out the article later’ kind of guy.

So I e-mailed the guy last night and asked if there was anything in particular he wanted me to showcase, and he said not to worry about it and just write whatever I want. So here I am, writing whatever I want and realizing how much I like magazines. I’m not currently subscribed to any, and there aren’t really any out there I want to be subscribed to all that much, but just the idea of a magazine is cool. A physical booklet filled with information about something you know and love? Something you can carry with you anywhere and have something to read when you’re stuck waiting for a train or lounging about during break time at work? I think that’s so great. I really do. But with the internet, can those types of things really survive?

I say yes, but they need to start approaching it differently.


So the title of this sounds like I could be making some sort of crack at how great Skyward Sword is and how it “stole” 80 hours of my life. I’m not. I’m finally, legitimately upset at Nintendo because of how they handled the development of the Wii and its basic hardware structure. It took 5 years, but one small issue on top of another small issue on top of another has finally taken it’s toll, and I’m ready to say it: The Wii is an outdated piece of crap with fantastic games. Unfortunately, despite the fantastic games, the first part has now become inexcusable.


Cracked.com. You guys read it, I read it; everybody in the world reads it, from Los Angeles to San Diego to San Francisco. Nobody can escape its grip of procrastination assistance, made possible by its staff members who sit around and write things that we all find interesting so we can impress our soon-to-be ex-girlfriends with the information we “read online somewhere.”

It’s natural that we enjoy lists, because they’re really ADD- and for those of us who need to bring traffic to our sites, they’re an indispensable tool. Take for example this interview. I could definitely write this interview down in such a way that would be honest and forthright, but that wouldn’t get me as many hits because nobody cares about good bloggism; they care about lists. So here’s an interview, presented as a list, of things I made up to put in a list so I could format this interview as a list.

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#10: Who I Was Interviewing

The folks I had the pleasure of talking to over the last week were none other than senior Cracked geniuses/writers/editors Soren Bowie and Michale Swaim, both of whom worked on a recent video feature for the site’s “After Hours” series where a cast of characters get together and argue about things that the Internet cares about. This week’s topic was “Is Mario a douchebag?”, and while that’s clearly related to everything we care about on NintendoEverything, I’m honestly not quite sure why I was approached to do an interview. Pretty sure they aren’t going to do another Nintendo-related video anytime soon, and they certainly don’t need more publicity than Cracked gives them already, but whatever. I’m down for an interview if they are.

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“You know what the SNES needs? A mouse!”

I started another inflammatory article earlier today about game reviews, but part of the way through I decided to stop because I need to take a break from being all angry about the blogging industry and start promoting fun discussions. So instead I’m working on this article that I haven’t come up with a topic for yet, but I’m sure it will come to me as a write this. I’m thinking maybe something about music in games, but that’s been done before. How about something more abstract, like “Best unexpectedly fantastic video game”? Eh, nah. I would talk too much about Fragile. Maybe “Best game featuring food”? No, that’s just stupid.

Oh, here we go. Let’s do “Favorite Gimmicks in Gaming”.


Part 2!

I’ve tried starting this article a bunch of times now and I can’t quite strike the right tone so I’m just going to reveal the punch line right away instead of doing some drawn out build up because I’m supposed to: Game reviews are stupid, and gaming-related articles are stupid. The whole façade that we (us gaming writers) know what we’re talking about is stupid, and it’s just that; a façade. Every single person who sits in front of a keyboard to write about video games has a job to do, and that’s to make their readers think they are smarter than them. I’m here to let you know that they’re not smarter than you. I’m not smarter than you. Hell, I’m probably way dumber than you, and that is okay. I just want to make you feel like your opinion is worth more than any game journalist’s.


Continuing my series of “article titles that make people click on them”, I’ve got a point to make today that I think is really important. You see, like the best of us, I always get into arguments about video games with friends or with Internet demons. Usually it’s Nintendo-related, and at the end of the day the bottom line always remains the same; “I think what I think and you think what you think and who cares.” We can argue day and night about why Skyward Sword isn’t the worst game in the series, or why Mario doesn’t need a story to be important, but the overall conclusion to the argument never ever changes. It’s always a “live and let live” sort of ideology.

Which is great, right? The fact that we have such respect for each other’s beliefs and we are understanding enough human beings to realize the triviality of arguing about video games is wonderful! Except that we don’t. I don’t think I’ve ever seen one person who- when faced with the opportunity of gaming related debate- simply stated outright that opinions on these things aren’t important, and everyone should just enjoy what they enjoy.



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